Personal

Seventeen years

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You know it’s hard to believe on this Columbus Day that I am writing these words about being 17 years into my career journey with the NYS Assembly. That it was me, a recently graduated intern soon to be employee, camping on the side of Terry Mountain in my truck camper shell, noting the deep blue autumn skies overlooking the orchards in Peru NY, taking in the views of Lake Champlain and poking around the city that had ultimately given me my college degree, before starting off on a journey that has lasted longer then my trip from cloth diapers from the Stork through my senior year in High School.

And that already I am writing these words once again, when I had penned a similar essay at year 16 last Columbus Day. Doesn’t really seem like a year has come and gone so quickly, or that previous 17 have gone by in such a flash. Indeed, if I look forward the same distance of time, I will be age 58 and it will be the year 2041. Seems like an impossibility as I write those words now. As do so many things in my life, which have gotten older and in many cases more threadbare, even as I’ve gotten more mature, more satisfied, the lines sunken deeper in my face, my hair more gray.

You know it’s sort of strange when you reach the top of your career, the directorship, where there is no clear path forward to a next step. It is a lot like climbing to the top of the mountain. You climb and climb, some sections quite hard others not so hard, but it always seems like there is more mountain ahead of you until you reach the top. Then the climb seems to fades away in your memory. And you look down at expansive landscape below you, at all that is below you, and you realize there is no more hill left. It’s not to say there aren’t every day struggles, but most of them can be laughed away with an eye roll and managed, as you’ve seen them again. At same time, a bit of emptiness has to come over you, realizing that it, the view is what you see. There is nothing more grandiose or more wonderful ahead.

It’s not to say there won’t be cost of living increases, salaries increases for hard work and results, new tasks and procedures, brought on by technology and changing institutional desires. But there isn’t a logical progression to a next step, like when I was a coordinator, or a deputy director. There just isn’t a lot to move up from being a director. I do still stare a lot at my business card though that says, “Director of Data Services”. It just doesn’t seem real to think I am in what is likely my final position of my career, that for many things I am the decider, I am where the buck stops. Others often seemed annoyed that I ask their opinion on matters where I’m the decider, as if I am asking them to decide for me. Maybe at times I am. Not that all decisions are made by me, some are dictated by law, custom or upper management, but certain things quite clearly fall in my realm, and nobody but myself is empowered to make the call. While I have decades of experience, sometimes what is the best choice isn’t all obvious.

I have lots of ideas on how to make things better at work, making data analysis more efficient and targets more relevant. But I also realize that institutions evolve slowly, and change can be hard to undertake. People fear change, as change involves risk and taking on new tasks even while needless work ceases. There is so much that can be done but resources, time and people are always constrained. Yet, I think the process and code changes I’ve implemented already are showing results, and things will only get better. Change takes time, and sometimes ideas that seem good on paper are hard to implement. In many cases, going slow, learning how the institution does things currently, and adopting changes over time is the best way forward. It is still a very paper and filing cabinet heavy office, though I agree with those who think we should get rid of more cabinets in favor of online spreadsheets that can computer read and processed, despite the desire of many to hold on to them.

I really like my career and the quality service I provide to our many clients. Being far removed from Albany and all of politics in the suburban office in Menands, you know it keeps me removed from the moral qualms of it all. It’s a gritty, dingy old suburban office building from 1980s overlooking the old city dump and smelling like the North Albany Sewage Treatment plant, but it’s good to be distant from the craziness of downtown. That said, I still have to be connected and receptive to client needs, even if many of staff are very non-political. But it’s an easier balance in my mind, as I’m not in the middle of world-whim of the issues and politics that can overtake you when your working directly on Capitol Hill. I don’t think much about the messaging, but I do think a lot about to connect the messaging to the appropriate people.

In many ways, I look back from the summit a lot different then when I was climbing it. But there is always more to do even from the top. Even if I retain my title for the remainder of my career, there are many new projects and ways I can get involved in new things. And there is a lot of chance to think about what I want my personal life to look like in the coming decades. How long do I stay? What comes next both professionally and personally? So much of my life so far has been about saving and investing, towards owning my own land, having that homestead and off-grid cabin. I’ve been drafting up ideas, looking at land, reconsidering whether or not I want to get out of New York. I’ve done okay in this state, but I do find its culture and way of living to be so constrained, contrary to who I want to be “when I grow up”. But I’m the only one putting those hobbles on myself. Nobody besides me is saying I can’t.

I worry time is running out. When you’re 41 years old, you can’t talk about what you want to be “when you grow up” without a fewer snickers in your mind like it’s some kind of cruel joke. You aren’t 18 years old at this point with many more options open as the flood of college mailers hitting your mailbox and soon the burn pit are to remind you. I look at those who want to sign me up for a 30-year mortgage, and I’m like if I sign up, I’m committing through 2054 and my 71st birthday. On the other hand, I am calmed by the fact that average farmer takes over the family farm at around age 56 and many off-griders don’t get started to a similar advanced era. Certainly though, many are younger. I made my path known by my current and past choices, actions speaker louder then words. I chose to forgo a family, to spend a lot of my days and weeks in wilderness, focus on my career, walk step by step to becoming the Director of Data Services. That doesn’t mean I’ll be there forever, but it’s where I am now and can be whatever I decide the next step to be.

When the fun and games is all over ❄️

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It’s not snowing out this morning. At least not in Albany.

But it’s a lot colder and rainy. The days of summer are just a memory, the sun sets closer and closer to 6 PM each night, and within two months it will be closer to 4:30 PM once the time changes in 3 weeks. We’ll get a little more light in the morning, but it comes at a cost of dark evenings. I still have to decide what I am going to do now that I work in Menands – do I ride in and then ride back to the express bus stop in the evening, noting I’ll be riding back there in the darkness? Or do I go back to busing it and taking the shuttle in and home through mid-January when enough light returns in the evening?

I know that decision is rapidly approaching. It was so apparent when I noticed the distinctive chill this evening at the town park, and how truly early the sun sets. Even though fall colors have come and gone in the Adirondacks and will be mostly gone after today’s rains, they are only just starting in the city. Who knows how much color will be left if I go to Madison County next weekend, though it depends a lot on the elevation. I can still ride home for now, and even go for a bit of ride after work but it’s dark certainly by around dinner time.

I find it hard to accept the change. Less then three weeks to November seems just wrong. I told myself last February that I would be out of this dumpy apartment and have own land by now, but it didn’t happen despite all my studying and road trips to explore parcels and houses. Now I’m looking at another cold and bitter winter in my apartment. I knew it would be a cold hard winter, but I was envisioning freezing it out in a tent/RV or a partially constructed cabin and not here still. I’m month to month and I have options, though I think the option for now is seeing if I once again get some gap stuffing foam to put around the door for when the cold weather comes. Spent too much of my summer in wilderness, smoking pot, ignoring reality. And now working damn hard hours at my job.

There’s reason for hope. I am still enjoying a lot of great adventures and more are planned. I am not tied to any one piece of land, and I can probably survive here another winter as if the landlord really wanted me out he would tell me so. My savings and investments continue to grow, I continue to learn about building cabins, developing land, homesteading and off-grid things. Winter will end, and they aren’t as harsh as they once were. And I love my job and are doing good work at it. I’m proud of what I do, even if my current situation isn’t quite where I wish it were.

Why go to Allegany County?

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Why go to Allegany County?

I always enjoy exploring the back roads, the places often mostly unexplored except by the locals.

Cattaraugus and Allegany Counties and much of that part of the state interests me because it’s so often passed by. How many people ever visit Hornell, much less the more rural countryside further out?

Yes, I’ll probably visit the tourist traps like Allegany and Letchworth State Park but I also want to visit many other places further out and often overlooked in Western NY.

Off Dannack Hill

Reminder – Electric Cars Aren’t Banned in 2035

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Many blue states like New York are adopting California’s Advanced Clean Car II standards. Here are the facts from the California Air Resources Board:

The new regulation accelerates requirements that automakers deliver an increasing number of zero-emission light-duty vehicles each year beginning in model year 2026. Sales of new ZEVs (all electric) and PHEVs (plugin hybrid) will start with 35% that year, build to 68% in 2030, and reach 100% in 2035.

The regulation applies to automakers (not dealers) and covers only new vehicle sales. It does not impact existing vehicles on the road today, which will still be legal to own and drive.

Plug-in hybrid, full battery-electric and hydrogen fuel cell vehicles count toward an automaker’s requirement. PHEVs must have an all-electric range of at least 50 miles under real-world driving conditions. In addition, automakers will be allowed to meet no more than 20% of their overall ZEV requirement with PHEVs.

Battery-electric and fuel cell vehicles will need a minimum range of 150 miles to qualify under the program, include fast-charging ability and come equipped with a charging cord to facilitate charging, and meet new warranty and durability requirements.

By model year 2030, the rules require the vehicle to maintain at least 80% of electric range for 10 years or 150,000 miles. (Phased in from 70% for 2026 through 2029 model year vehicles.) By model year 2031, individual vehicle battery packs are warranted to maintain 75% of their energy for eight years or 100,000 miles. (Phased in from 70% for 2026 through 2030 model years.) ZEV powertrain components are warranted for at least three years or 50,000 miles.

Dark theme

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Real programmers like dark themes. I’ve never liked them, but there are good reasons for preferring dark themes. They save battery power, are easier on the eyes, especially in dark rooms and actually look quite neat. Maybe I was put off from them for so many years as they reminded me of those awful command line interfaces of my youth that I hated compared to the friendly Macintosh System Software, still I am starting to understand why are so popular these days.

Dunham Reservior

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Dunham Reservior

The Dunham Reservior is part of Grafton Lakes State Park. One of the five lakes, it's seperated from the rest of the park by NY 2.

The life I’ve chosen so far … 👨‍💼

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You know, you start to feel old when many of the clients you work for are younger in life then you are. And you have to at least compare your own life to theirs, the choices they’ve taken and paths you’ve not taken. You look at the targets of young voters, often 30 years and younger in age, and at age 41 that seems so long ago. You realize many of people you grew up with had kids who are now going off to college. You no longer are young.

Yet at the same time, I don’t feel all that old. I still live in the same run-down moldy apartment that I moved into after college. It’s not as inexpensive as it once was, but nothing is these days. I’ve had Big Red for 13 years now, and it’s been 17 years since I graduated from college and started working full-time at NY Assembly. I still spend many of weekends in the wilderness, camping, drinking beer, burning shit in the fire year round. I ride my mountain bike to work to save on the bus fare, and when I don’t ride, I take the bus. I never eat out, I try to cook economical but healthy meals, I do most of my shopping at Walmart and avoid driving around town whenever possible. I keep my heat at 55 degrees or lower most of winter, I’ve never had air conditioning.

But I’m the unit director, I tell myself. I make one-hundred “k” or about that amount. Even in these inflationary times, many live on far less. I could afford more luxuries. Though it doesn’t feel like much money as I’m putting every cent away I can towards a dream of owning my own land, having that off-grid cabin and homestead. But if I wanted to I could certainly afford a nicer home, one where rot means the door is literally falling off the building and the fight against the mice and mold is non-stop. Yet, I don’t care, I don’t spend much time here except in more coldest of winter days. But I don’t necessarily want better.

Truth is I am looking. I am trying to figure out what my options are. I hate all of the houses that are on the market, they’re all super expensive, super crappy, too long of commutes and most don’t have nearly enough land. And for as long as I stay with my good paying job that I know I do damn good work at and are proud of — I am pretty much stuck in New York. I’ve been studying building and buying houses, though at times I get so damn frustrated I just toss up my hands. I don’t want a vinyl-sided monstrosity in the suburbs with an overflowing giant garbage can (and mostly fake recycling bin!) out front, a manicured lawn, and a television and high speed internet is every room.

People say I should grow up. Or stop delaying my dreams for a future unreachable. I am probably over-invested in the market, a lot of my wealth could be wiped out if we had a prolonged depression. The thing is I just don’t like what the options are and I don’t like the idea of being any more tied to New York State for longer then I have to be. Certainly not past age 55 when I can start collecting state retirement benefits at the earliest. And it’s not like every week as I save and invest more my net worth isn’t increasing, so my options only get wider.

But at the same time, it’s inevitable that I’m getting older. And it hurts to see everybody getting on with their life, and I’m really only a few steps in my personal life removed from college, even if I am on a great career path, though maybe not with skills all universally transferable, especially to a small town type place where I would much rather live in a much cheaper and freer red state. I see people I know growing up country, with their families and their homesteads, and I’m stuck here in the suburbs.

Now I am not delusional and I see better days ahead. I open up my net worth spreadsheet, and put’s a smile on my face to see how much it’s increased over the past year with outstanding stock and bond markets, and high interest rates. While I often feel poor with inflation making everything so damn expensive these days, the high cost of land and housing more generally, I know that day when I am ready to have my own land, build that off-grid cabin I will be able to do it. It’s better to wait, and be damn sure to know what your jumping off to when you do.

Still I can’t help but seeing the time marching by much too quickly.