At the beginning of the year, I set out to make some big changes in my life, determined to chase down the demons in my life and become a better person.
But maybe I was wrong.
For one, despite my skepticism and feelings at time of imposters syndrome, I am quite successful. I make nearly $75k a year, I have a beautiful office in a high rise downtown that overlooks the mountains. I am quite financially secure and are on a good track towards owning my own land and a secure retirement even if I reject the suburbanite way of life.
I feel fairly confident in my job, I’ve learned when I need to ask for advice and when I can make decisions myself based on presidence. I’m not quite as secure feeling in my management position that I’m still relatively green at but I feel like I’m learning the ropes. I think the skills I’m learning in management will be transferable to future careers wherever my path may lead me.
I like my vacations and trips to the wilderness, going to places off the beaten track where I can listen to music, shoot guns and have big ol fires and even burn my trash if I want. There are still some great wilderness areas off the beaten track. As much as I complain about putting money into my truck and keeping it up and running, I do like it and the weekends it takes me up to the wilderness. I also like exploring the back roads and seeing the rundown homesteads and farms as people scrape together a living from the mud and manure of the earth.
But on the other hand I feel much too insecure.
I worry a lot about money and saving for my future. Most two week pay periods I invest or save a little over $1,800 split between retirement accounts, investments and savings. After that money is gone from my bank account, it just always seems like money is tight.
And it just seems while I’m having fun there is so much others are able to do that I’ve never quite been able to master. Maybe it’s due to a lack of trying but it seems like so much in my life is a struggle.
I have this friend, I’ll call Mr. Negative Nancy, who constantly reminds me that the good times and the good money that is rolling in with my job may not last forever. I’m making good money these days, more than my parents and siblings ever made. But with these good wages comes some more risk.
Yet, I’m not one to foolishly spend those wages. I continue to live quite frugally, in the same apartment I’ve rented back when I made nearly three times less than I do today. I keep a decent reserve in case of emergency while also trying to live as close to paycheck to paycheck in an almost poverty like fashion to ensure no money is wasted.
At the same time, I try hard to always do my best at work and continuously keep learning new skills both at work and on my own time. I like to think every day could be my last and I seek to build a record of accomplishments and relationships with my peers that some day I could call on every day.
If the journey ends some time in the future, I am just grateful for what I have learned, earned, saved and invested. I can’t change the past but I can build upon the sound founds of all I’ve done. But I realize that tomorrow is not guaranteed – so I try to do my best to minimize the risk to my future and maximize my benefit to the agency.
The stock market isn’t the only way to reap meaningful returns. Here are ways to invest in yourself—some are free and take only a few hours of your time.
Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety in my life
I should be quite happy as on many levels I’ve been quite successful, making good money, having my big jacked up truck. But I’m not. Some of it was big promotion last year but a lot of it was just dealing with so much time alone in the pandemic and being stuck home all the time in my rundown apartment with the windows closed. I decided to reach out and take advantage of my health care benefits and seek the services of a licensed mental health counselor. $25 bucks a session but it’s giving me some ideas on how to be more successful in my own life, deal with some of my anxieties and fears. For one, it’s been a gut check – a reminder that I have it a lot better than many others and despite some minor setbacks and problems in my life, I’m not crazy and my relatively minor problems aren’t likely to be life threatening or even life altering. I probably could go on the way I’ve been going for years but I’d probably be better off if I added some changes to my life.
For one I’ve learned it’s not good to put off your problems to tomorrow. Now not every thing should be addressed today but I should prioritize things that are most cost effective to do today, that are at moderate to high risk of failure. There is nothing wrong with doing a cost benefit analysis, making sure not to over emphasize high risk but very low probability scenarios. I shouldn’t dwell on the worse case scenarios that are low probability, especially because with edge case scenarios you are probably focusing on the wrong risks as other edge case risks are more likely to trip you up. I’ve also learned that mental health isn’t free. Not just because counseling cost money but because it’s sometimes worthwhile to get something fixed because the noise or look of something annoys you or gives you anxiety. Not because it’s an immediate threat but because something feeds your negative emotions. That doesn’t mean fix everything that is broken – it’s fine to ignore low risk but costly to fix problems – but if it’s causing you anxiety and it’s not to expensive to fix than definitely take action.
I am told my pyromania is largely harmless as long as I’m not smoking out my neighbors or burning a lot of noxious stuff that is likely to get the fire department called. Some people never grow out of being fire bugs, and despite what the greenies might want you to believe, tossing the occasional plastic bottle or burnable trash in the fire isn’t the end of the world. In many parts of the country, out in the country its completely normal for rural households to burn most their kitchen and farm trash in a barrel out back. Ask folks in rural Maryland or Pennsylvania, it’s not just hard red states where folks can manage their own garbage. Radical acceptance of being pyro isn’t giving in or a sign of weakness. Sometimes it’s best to accept the facts as they are and let it be. Solutions don’t always exist for every problem, and when they do they may not be cost effective. Some things may not be worthwhile to address if they are doing minimal harm in one’s life. Even habits and odd behaviors that are non threatening and of minimal consequence do not have to be suppressed. And sometimes there is nothing wrong with distraction and getting out of a bad thought pattern. When you catch yourself going down hill, captured on cycles of negativity or obsession, it doesn’t hurt to sometimes find a healthy distraction. Move on don’t dwell on a distant threat. It doesn’t mean ignore a threat but lay it aside. Don’t let your worst fears bring you down as I’ve had so many successes so far in life and there are many successes in the future.
My therapist reminds me that the best way to get good at something is to do it a lot. Not obsessively but with practice. And while YouTube videos, social media and books are a good way to get book smart the best way to learn is hands on. If you want to be like people you idolize or a life you want to live, you should try to meet up and do things in person with such people. If I’m interested in homesteading, farming, off-grid living and even tiny houses I should try to meet up at events, tours and other chances to learn hands on. And if that means a little money invested in my future by learning valuable skills than it’s worthwhile.
I’m also told that I should think about settling down. Get out, try to meet a girl friend. I should look at sites like Farmers Only or similar places to find people who are interested in the rural lifestyle and come from a small town background like myself. Those who aren’t afraid of pig manure or bonfires, don’t mind being in the woods or the back country with the bugs and mosquitoes. Having an extra leg in the stool means both partners have somebody to fall back on and provide mutual aid. I can shovel horse manure, break ice in frozen water troughs or haul garbage to the burning barrel or slop to the pig pen in exchange for help when my truck breaks down or just needing companionship when I’m lonely or need some one to bounce ideas off of. I like my freedom. It’s kind of nice that I can come and go as I please. Do my own things when I want, shoot guns and have fires in the woods where I burn what I want. It’s nice working hard and having money for toys. But it would even nicer if I had the stability of a girl friend and eventually a homestead where we can produce our own food, make our own energy and have fires to burn debris and stay warm in the winter. My therapist is right, I can probably do it on my own but it will end up being a lot more difficult than doing it as a couple that supports each other as a stronger union.
Former Stanford University undergraduate dean Julie Lythcott-Haims’ new book, ‘Your Turn: How to Be an Adult,’ is a handbook on adulthood, offering insights and strategies on education and career choices, building friendships and coping with setbacks. Her 2017 memoir, ‘Real American,’ is the story of her coming to terms with her biracial identity. Her father was a successful African American physician, her mother a white British woman. We talk about both books and her upbringing.
Shirley of Daring Living tells you how to create and start living an ideal life. Episode 1931: How to Create an Ideal Life for Yourself & Start Living it Today by Shirley of Daring Living on Vision Planning Shirley is a Certified Life Coach who helps driven women create joy and success through brain-based coaching, self compassion, and emotional resilience. The original post is located here: https://daringliving.com/create-ideal-life-vision-start-living-it-today/ Gusto is making payroll, benefits, and HR easy for small businesses. Get 3 months free once you run your first payroll with our link: Gusto.com/OLD Please Rate & Review the Show! Visit Me Online at OLDPodcast.com and in The O.L.D. Facebook Group Join the Ol’ Family to get your Free Gifts and join our online community: OLDPodcast.com/group Interested in advertising on the show? Visit https://www.advertisecast.com/OptimalLivingDaily — Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/optimal-living-daily/support
We are currently at a pivotal point in the nation's history of caring for the most frail and vulnerable. The way leaders respond to the horrific toll the pandemic has taken on nursing home residents will determine the future of nursing home care for years, possibly decades, to come.
This is not the first — or second — time where massive outrage has led to calls for significant change and reform in nursing homes. The problems that plague today's nursing homes are, in many ways, reminiscent and tied to their history in the United States.
