Lately I just feel more and more confused – about everything. You’re either a right-wing extremist, an ignorant son-of-a-bitch who ignores all evidence and human suffering. Or you’re woke – you live with your heart on your sleeve and you spend your money on do-gooders’ organic products with cardboard and plastic labels that brag about sustainability but are soon hauled off to the local dumping grounds on the outskirts of town.
The thing is I don’t think wokerism has all the answers. I don’t think the solution – at least for me – is to buy a house out in the suburbs made out of vinyl siding and with an asphalt shingle roof with grid tied electricity, high speed internet and weekly garbage pickup. But I’m told that’s a good investment, but I don’t want to be forever tied to one place where I don’t have the opportunity to walk away when necessary. Not that I’m planning to leave tomorrow, but I don’t see any future at least for me in my community.
Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis. But if anything, I don’t really want to spend-spend-spend, as I find consumerism to be so oft-putting, knowing soon I’ll be throwing away whatever I buy. I am glad I don’t have a computer or internet at home, much less a television. I rarely even bring my laptop home. I do want to replace Big Red so I can travel, and get my eyes permanently fixed, so maybe that’s a sign of wanting to spend the money I have. Yet, I have very little interest in a performance cars or fancy houses.
The truth is it’s the simple things that fascinate me that most these days. The wildflowers, the clouds. Just sitting there and staring at them. Or the flicker of the flames of campfire or watching that piece of debris burn on up. Good bye plastic syrup bottle! The truth is I want to travel, once I have reliable transportation that can take me thousands of miles to forests and wilderness es far away with minimal problems. Lately I’ve just become so fascinated by the trippy nature of so much in this world, the colors, even if I don’t really enjoy that much grass except up at camp.
Often confusion is seen as a psychological problem, something profoundly bad. “See what you is need Better Help!” the advertisers scream at me! I’m not sure my confusion is that kind of confusion, it’s more trying to figure out the next decade and half before I decide to toss in my hat at work to focus on my off-grid homestead. It’s askewing the conventional wisdom, not because I want to forever live a life of poverty and be blocked from owning my own land out in the country, but because I’m not convinced that toxic vinyl siding and big-screen televisions are right for me. I don’t agree with the advertising.
Indeed, I am not sure if confusion is opposite of clarity of thought. Maybe it’s more profound thing, a questioning of conventional wisdom. Now I do wish I had more clarity, but I am not sure my confusion is coming from lack of understanding of reality.
I rarely get up that way in the Adirondacks because I don’t like driving on the Adirondack Northway, but there could be a lot to explore up that way, even if they’re isn’t the roadside camping nearby — unless I head back along Boreas Road and camp at one of sites along Boreas Road or NY 28N. That might actually be fun and hike the Roosevelt Truck Trail the next day.
Back in 2020, I hiked back to Hammond Pond. While I was there, I thought it looks interesting to hike back to Berrymill Flow and Moose Mountain Pond. I could stay at the lean-to there or in my hammock overnight. None of those hikes look particularly strenuous, and I think because they’re not mountain tops and are in remote country, they’re probably not super popular either. I would like to spend more time in the remote country, and with my rechargable lantern and battery pack, I probably wouldn’t need a big heavy lantern, and during the summer months could pack lightly, possibly without a big heavy pack frame — or at least not so heavily weighted down.
