parody

Delmar Crime Wave

It’s warm weather once again. Crime is spiking through the roof, even coming to the comfortable suburbs that are widely viewed as being safe compared to living in cities like Albany. Today’s incident shocked the conscience of all residents in Bethlehem, after Margie Smith is alleged to have parked her car at a bus stop. The incident was first reported to the police by an anonymous tipster. A blue Toyota Sienna mini-van was seen parked, illegally, in a bus stop. Thanks to quick action by the local police, all five police cars responded to the scene and ensured no unsafe conditions beyond the illegally parked car where to break out.

Passengers who might normally have boarded the bus at this stop where directed by a combination force of the Bethlehem Police and CDTA supervisors. These people stood by to ensure if any passengers sought to board the bus that they would be directed to board the bus not at the curb-side but near the traffic lane. Thanks to the supervision of the CDTA, it was ensured that no bus passengers’ lives where put in risk by waiting closely by passing traffic. Many commuters may have been tied up for a number of minutes getting past this vehicular infraction scene. To compensate for this lost, CDTA President Ray Mellady is offering free one-day CDTA trip passes, that anybody effected by the incident may obtain by calling the CDTA central headquarters and explaining their situation. He also apologised for people’s inconvenience, and reminded people of the importance of obeying traffic laws.

Police told News 10 that Margie Smith was issued an appearance ticket to Bethlehem Town Court. In addition, her car was impounded waiting further analysis of tire track prints left near the bus stop. The Bethlehem Police Forensic Unit has fully investigated this traffic infraction, and has taken pictures detailing the illegal parking, including aerial photography. Pavement samples where taken for further analysis in the crime lab. D.A. P. David Soares has this to say about the traffic infraction, I am awful sorry that this had to happen. Yet, people where inconvenienced and lives where put at risk by the choice of illegal parking by Ms. Smith. Other politicians, including Bethlehem residents Assemblyman Tim Gordon and Senator Neil Breslin also stated their shock over this callous incident of illegal and dangerous parking.

Ms. Smith referred all questions on this alleged crime to her lawyer, Mr. Terry Kindlon. He described the incident as little more then a careless mistake caused by a quick run to the coffee shop to purchase a cup off coffee. He also questioned the legality of the law, noting that the signs did not mention no parking, but only No Stopping Except Buses. Ms. Smith did not stop her car here to let out passengers, she only parked it. A hearing over this parking ticket is set to occur on Wednesday. The maximum penalty Ms. Smith faces is a $40 fine for parking in a bus stop. It is widely believed that this fine will be reduced and that Ms. Smith will plea to a reduced charge rather then be convicted of illegal parking in a bus stop.

Are You in 4×4 Low?

  1. You start to go, but all you hear is click-click while the transfer case is changing gears.
  2. You try to upshift, but it won’t let you as your in overdrive
  3. You get passed on the right by a guy driving a Ford Farmall Tractor
  4. You forget to push the clutch before coming to a stop, but the engine keeps running
  5. You try to start out gently, but you lurch ahead as you take your foot slowly off the clutch in first gear
  6. As you drive around, your going at 4,000 RPM but the speedometer refuses to move in 2nd gear
  7. Look at the idiot light on your dashboard or the control next to it
  8. Somebody walks past you driving your truck

 My Truck