Ah yes, that Carly Simon song. You probably think this blog post is about me.
Being vain refers to having an excessive or exaggerated pride in one’s own appearance, abilities, achievements, or qualities. It often involves a preoccupation with one’s physical appearance, a desire for admiration, and a tendency to prioritize oneself over others. Vanity is associated with an inflated sense of self-importance and a constant need for validation and admiration from others. People who are considered vain may focus excessively on their looks, status, or accomplishments, often at the expense of developing genuine connections with others.
I often think society is too vain, but what do I know, I don’t have a color television. I do think that in my younger years, I was to concerned about others, saving our world, or doing what appears to be right, without taking care of myself or working to better myself. I was taught that the only real heroes in the world are people like Martin Luther King, and that one can’t be a hero without some grandiose public act that gets world renown. But as I frequently say, “if you can’t save the world, you should at least try to save yourself.”
I have frequently written about the high cost of political activity. Many people give of their lives up and liberty to be involved in politics and work for societal or even community change. Often their reward is a jail cell or a bullet in their back. Ask the late Nelson Mandela or Martin Luther King. Or the January 6th rioters and Black Lives Matter activists spending decades behind bars. By entering the public sphere, and not being merely a private citizen means you give up a lot. You can do a lot of good, but that life isn’t for everyone. I don’t think you have to be saving the world to do well for yourself.
I don’t embrace the extreme consumerism and marketing of pop culture. I don’t reject all purchases, but I do try to be frugal and protect my own interest. It’s foolish to be ignorant of all the institutions and people trying to tear you down, enslave or imprison you in a million different ways. I always try to be respectful and helpful, but I also make it a priority to protect myself first and foremost from all the evil that is going on currently in society. I will help people when I can, hold open a door and be a friend, but I won’t lay down my life to save another. I have only one life, and I am not going to die on a cross if I can all avoid it. Caring about yourself while also being understanding of the world around you doesn’t mean you’re so vain.
The world needs people like Martin Luther King. People who protest, raise their voices, stand out on the freeway or railway track. People who are willing to take a bullet in their back or spend decades behind bars in the fight for what is right. But we don’t have to all die for what is right. You can still be a good person, live a good life with taking a bullet in your back. Some have to die for what is right for the world, but you don’t have to.
Lately I just feel more and more confused – about everything. You’re either a right-wing extremist, an ignorant son-of-a-bitch who ignores all evidence and human suffering. Or you’re woke – you live with your heart on your sleeve and you spend your money on do-gooders’ organic products with cardboard and plastic labels that brag about sustainability but are soon hauled off to the local dumping grounds on the outskirts of town.
The thing is I don’t think wokerism has all the answers. I don’t think the solution – at least for me – is to buy a house out in the suburbs made out of vinyl siding and with an asphalt shingle roof with grid tied electricity, high speed internet and weekly garbage pickup. But I’m told that’s a good investment, but I don’t want to be forever tied to one place where I don’t have the opportunity to walk away when necessary. Not that I’m planning to leave tomorrow, but I don’t see any future at least for me in my community.
Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis. But if anything, I don’t really want to spend-spend-spend, as I find consumerism to be so oft-putting, knowing soon I’ll be throwing away whatever I buy. I am glad I don’t have a computer or internet at home, much less a television. I rarely even bring my laptop home. I do want to replace Big Red so I can travel, and get my eyes permanently fixed, so maybe that’s a sign of wanting to spend the money I have. Yet, I have very little interest in a performance cars or fancy houses.
The truth is it’s the simple things that fascinate me that most these days. The wildflowers, the clouds. Just sitting there and staring at them. Or the flicker of the flames of campfire or watching that piece of debris burn on up. Good bye plastic syrup bottle! The truth is I want to travel, once I have reliable transportation that can take me thousands of miles to forests and wilderness es far away with minimal problems. Lately I’ve just become so fascinated by the trippy nature of so much in this world, the colors, even if I don’t really enjoy that much grass except up at camp.
Often confusion is seen as a psychological problem, something profoundly bad. “See what you is need Better Help!” the advertisers scream at me! I’m not sure my confusion is that kind of confusion, it’s more trying to figure out the next decade and half before I decide to toss in my hat at work to focus on my off-grid homestead. It’s askewing the conventional wisdom, not because I want to forever live a life of poverty and be blocked from owning my own land out in the country, but because I’m not convinced that toxic vinyl siding and big-screen televisions are right for me. I don’t agree with the advertising.
Indeed, I am not sure if confusion is opposite of clarity of thought. Maybe it’s more profound thing, a questioning of conventional wisdom. Now I do wish I had more clarity, but I am not sure my confusion is coming from lack of understanding of reality.
Probably the top reason for smoking pot in my mind is to find more inspiration about the world around me. To help me find clarity in ways that reading and thinking has yet to provide in my own life. I think or at least have been told that smoking cannabis can let you focus on the moment and while making you forgetful, can provide a sense of calm that is too often lacking in my life as too many things break down and wear out as I refuse to engauge in all the consumerism trends of the day. I don’t own a television, but I am damn aware of all the evil in society, and how all of us are one bad day from having our entire lives destroyed.
So far on that front I’ve been disappointed, mostly getting hungry and sleepy after getting stoned. Most of the various pre-rolls I got when I went to Northern Lights a little over a month ago have been more on the indica rather then sativia side of things, probably because the prior is less expensive and something too strong on sativia side of things runs a risk of paranoia, and just a bad experience if not enjoyed in moderation. I asked for more sativia, but at least some of the stuff on summer vacation made me more couchlocked in hammock then anything else. I am going to probably need to get more cannabis prior to camping in woods over Labor Day Weekend, so I’m continuing to research strains, methods of smoking and enjoying cannabis. It’s fun to ride a mountain bike through the wilderness after dark, stoned because of how it makes your eyes wide open.
I get smoking pot or doing any kind of drug, be it alcohol or caffine or some kind of “illegal” drug won’t get you all the answers. Mostly it will get you stoned or drunk or awake. But sometimes taking a look at things and being focused more on the now, in an altered state of mind, when your away from it all can be beneficial. Certainly many creative people over the years have smoked a little weed, for the better. The more sativia leaning hybrids I’ve smoked, in moderation are better but I still need to figure out what I want to ask for and have a better idea the next time I visit the the local budmaster. He after all can’t be much guidance if I can’t give him the direction I am looking for over my next high in the wilderness.
I do want to get a pipe and probably will want a grinder so I can buy flower, rather then get pre-roll which is unneccessarily wasteful. I especially dislike the pre-roll I have that is packaged in glass that has to be seperated out of the trash for recycling. It’s a good commitment, not that expensive, and will save money in the long run, once I figure out what I like to smoke. That White Wedding ain’t bad, but I’m not sure that’s my best option for the experience I seek. There are so many options out there, and I just want to see and think clearer but not get paranoid. Not that cannabis has made me any more paranoid — if anything my paranoia over my someday faltering pickup truck and housing situaton has gone down since I’ve started to smoke. I’ve never been afraid of monsters in closets, it’s more what happens if things spin wildly out of control in the long run or that ball joint or the roof joist in my rundown apartment that finally goes ko-put.
Truth is I don’t smoke all that much one way or another. Nor do I plan to make it habit outside of sitting around a campfire in the wilderness or laying back in the hammock staring at the clouds or floating in the tube during the summer months. There are real health consequences to smoking too much. Much like eating too much bacon or ice cream — both are a treat. Smoking cannabis should be something you do that’s special and not ordinary. Plus I like it because it’s kind dirty and smelly, not socially acceptable (your doing drugs!), somewhat illegal. Not unlike dairy or hog farming! Or having a burn barrel and bonfires for trash. But I get a kick out of people turning up their noses at me, and saying I’m just a dirty hick. And some what of an outlaw!
Benford's law, also called the Newcomb–Benford law, the law of anomalous numbers, or the first-digit law, is an observation about the frequency distribution of leading digits in many real-life sets of numerical data. The law states that in many naturally occurring collections of numbers, the leading digit is likely to be small.In sets that obey the law, the number 1 appears as the leading significant digit about 30% of the time, while 9 appears as the leading significant digit less than 5% of the time. If the digits were distributed uniformly, they would each occur about 11.1% of the time. Benford's law also makes predictions about the distribution of second digits, third digits, digit combinations, and so on.
