“There never seems to be enough time To do the things you want to do Once you find them“
Truth is I am still grieving the loss of Big Red. I get that he was just a pickup truck, I could have him welded, I made decision to take him off the road. Still I don’t know, life just seems a bit more empty without him. It was so easy to surrender the plates and cancel insurance, but not so easy to cancel is memory or his DBE 6911 plates out of my mind. I had a planned retirement for Red – April 2026 – which isn’t that far away but he didn’t hold out for that fateful day.
Time is the weirdest thing. It lasts forever until it is gone. Cancer lurks in silence, chews away at every bone. I knew about trailer hitch rust in some of it under wheel well but it didn’t hit me how bad it was until it failed inspection. You see the hints but it never seems particularly bad until the rust metastasis. You think there is another day and there always is until there isn’t anymore. Somehow I thought Red would make it through the winter, not let me down. Not have this gap.
Maybe it’s because I am riding my mountain bike at 8:45 AM in a freezing rain to get my teeth cleaned tomorrow. Whatever, I can take a bus or figure out how to get an Uber – or even call into work tomorrow if it becomes an issue. But it’s not same without Big Red. And I like riding, and hopefully the rain pulls out early. I think many people are surprised I am choosing to go without a car all winter, though I don’t think that surprises people when I push my mountain bike through 9 miles of snow and ice half the winter riding to work. And sometimes riding in the rain, but only when it’s unexpected.
Time is forever until it’s not, it’s the story I’ve seen play out so many times in my life – with dying loved ones, with friends, with institutions and everything else. Nobody expects things to just disappear. I always wonder about the health of my parents, I see them getting older, much like my old truck. Signs, even worrying, don’t necessarily mean the end is right around the corner, until it is. I look at those pictures of Big Red from 14 years ago, and it just seems like yesterday. I don’t feel 14 years older at this point, though I’ve progressed and matured in many parts of my career and life.
I keep asking myself do I really want a heavy-duty pickup? I think I can live with the gas milage of the Ford SuperDuty 6.8L or 7.3L gasses, they are in real world similar to my lifted truck. And I can get a HD truck without all the technology and gadgets so many cars have today. But especially with the 1-ton axle, it’s going to have such a crap ride, but it might hold up well on beating of rough dirt roads, gives me the option to do either a slide-in camper or big camper shell. Then I can tow a trailer with four-wheelers, a tractor, livestock, or whatever life brings to me in the next 10-15 years. I want the truck primarily now for camping, but I know at some point I’ll settle down, have that homestead and need a good solid truck. I really think half-ton trucks are the worse of both worlds, they’re more passenger cars then pickups. I really don’t see myself commuting to work in a vehicle any time soon. Even if I have to leave my apartment, I think I’d much rather have something in city until I have my homestead. But maybe I’m wrong, I like big trucks, real trucks, but maybe I’m find with a little Taco truck.
I have time to decide I tell myself. Just time. I was upset that I didn’t get to go to Colonie Planning Board meeting because Lynne wasn’t going to drive in the ice storm. I understand, and it’s not like I have a truck anymore but I don’t dare go alone, lest I think what I really think of all those planners. Or try when of my questionable political angles. So I came home, cooked up some frozen salmon, beans, onions, broccoli. And kneaded some bread, that’s rising now with 15-bean soup soaking in the freezer for cooking before riding my bike in the ice storm to the dentist to find out how much damage I’ve done to my teeth with all the coffee drinking at work. Maybe it just was the feel of the rain and sleet pounding on my face walking home from the bus stop.
Still I watch the time go ticking by so quickly. Why do I keep traveling? Don’t I want to settle down, by land, have my homestead? Land? Maybe a girl friend? In a free state, in a deep rural place, not somewhere with neighbors and big cities right nearby and up your ass? And all the regulation and crap to keep people safe in the city. Why do I keep delaying on building that off-grid homestead, besides of course the need to make money, save and invest – so I can do it right. Time has it’s advantages but also it’s costs. Money grows when you invest it and leave it alone, but it comes at the cost of time. It just keeps ticking away.
In the freezing rain, though it’s supposed to stop before then. Worse comes to worse, I take the bus and just get to the dentist early. Though not as early as originally planned – it was going to be 7 AM but my dentist canceled but they slotted me into the 9 AM slopt. But I really want to use my bike, as I got to get work after the appointment, and if I take the bus I’ll have to transfer to another bus because the shuttle doesn’t run mid-day. Fortunately the freezing rain is expected to stop by around 8 AM tomorrow, and my appointment is at 9 AM but things are going to be mad salty. Guess I gotta make sure to grease things up good before leaving. Shrug!
I am hoping we get enough rain that it melts the snow and ice from the bike path so I can ride it in on Thursday, though I concede that’s not likely so I’ll probably be taking Corning Hill in if I ride in on Thursday. Today and tomorrow will be be busing it days.
Got more Save the Pine Bush Meetings to go to tonight, 🌲 I didn’t go to the organizational meeting last night as it was cold and dark and honestly I didn’t want to spend half the night in a overly swanky bar somewhere off New Scotland arguing about bullshit politics and stragety. I am the map and GIS guy, and they wanted me there, 🗺️ but I’d rather go real public meetings where I can bitch out Town Leaders for demolishing more of the Pine Bush while I dream of the log cabin with grunting hogs and a burn barrel out back. 🐽
I get so defensive about retiring Big Red, 🛻 because he was more then just a truck to me, though I knew his time has come. When a vehicle is perceived as being unsafe and unreliable, maybe it’s time for retirement. Let him become somebody’s else’s problem, preferably somebody who has a welding experience and a knock for fixing little things roadside, and isn’t primarily taking him out to the wilderness or driving 5 states away to see the Great North Woods of Michigan and Wisconsin. 🐺 🌲 🦌 And I can’t keep stop thinking about how fucking much money those SuperDuty trucks are but I so want one. But my knowledge and study of finance says it’s a bad idea, but it could give me a lot of joy over the next 10-15 years. I keep studying car buying stragety and pros-and-cons of various vehicles, though I know I have time. The earliest I would buy a truck is the last week of March. Even if it means passing up the deal of the lifetime. 🤝 They’re not that rare, and there is a shit ton of Ford dealers Upstate.
It’s not like I am going to find land in Upstate New York close enough to work where I can have a burning barrel, not have to recycle stupid plastics, an an AR-15 and handguns to ventalate such a trash burner. 🛢️ 🔫 So I might as well get the big-ass truck I want. Capital gains will make the money spent on the truck disappear in the next year, assuming the market continues to grow like the past few years. Sucks to have to spend the money, but New York is where I make my money, and I make good money but I work hard and good deliver results for clients. I heard the head programmer was saying good things about the work I do in the department I oversee. 🖥️ It just tickles my ego, every time I hear people talk up my work. But maybe because I have a small dick and drive a big truck.
I keep reading books about buying cars 🚘 and everything I can learn about the industry, both from the Internet on YouTube and the library. If I am very stragetic, cast a wide net of dealership, have some flexibility in model and trim (like an 3/4 ton F-250 vs 1 ton F-350), there are definately options out there. I need to understand the off-road package too, what does it buy besides AT tires? Most of the SuperDuty trucks come with the lockers. Maybe a skid plate under the tranny, I do worry about the tranny lines getting caught in brush, though I’m not going to take a $50k or $60k HD pickup down some rough narrow trail. 🤡 I don’t want to get scammed, get a fair price from dealerships, but maybe I’m more afraid dealerships won’t sell me a SuperDuty even though I have the cash to do it. Oh, you what you really want is a blown-engine (aka supercharged) F-150 or Ranger. No shit sparky, I know those trucks exist. We won’t show you the SuperDuties, you’re not SuperDuty material, sorry bro! But I’m a unit director who makes six figures, even if I do take the city bus and ride my mountain bike to your dealership because my big jacked up truck is off the road.
Truth is it gives me something to think about and dream about this winter, 💭 as the day goes by and is much easier to price and develop compared to the off-grid homestead, which involves so many systems to develop and study. 🐐 There is something nice about buying something already built, and not fragmenting the forest further, but so many of the existing houses are plastic houses tied to grid with the assumption of maximum wastage of resources. And while I guess I could I make it work in New York, lest some smoke drift off the property though at least in ag community, people aren’t to likely to care about the smell of some wood smoke or manure. 💩 Still it ain’t no Missouri or even Wisconsin, and I think just makes sense to build some place where I can do it right, with minimal interference by the urban state government. A truck I can at least drive up to wilderness 🐺 aways from all this urban shit, and you’re not going to have neighbors around, though one time I saw people were bitching me out on internet forums for doing so much shooting in woods, and disturbing their peace. 🔫 Fuck ’em. I want to shovel out the bus stop, shower, 🚿 then it’ s the bus to work! Read on way in, catch the shuttle over the office, work, work, work.
