The Potomac Interceptor Blues

(Verse 1)
In the city of the bold, where the secrets are all sold
And the monuments are polished to a shine
There’s a pipe beneath the grass, where the legislative gas
Meets a literal mountain of the… well, never mind.
The Pentagon is high-tech, and the White House is a gem
But they’re all connected by a single, rusty stem.
One little crack in the “Interceptor” line,
And the “Leader of the Free World” is smelling like a pine…
(Wait, no, that’s not pine).

(Chorus)
Oh, we’re three leaks away from a national crisis!
Forget the cyber-war or the soaring oil prices.
D.C. Water’s got a plan, but the funding’s gone “poof”
While the sewage starts a-knocking on the Capitol roof!
The backup supply gives us twenty-four hours
To wash off the egos and the thirst for power.
If you want to stop the gears of the great DMV,
You don’t need a nuke—just a bit of debris!

(Verse 2)
FEMA says they’re “committed” to “resilience and grace”
While they cancel the grants with a smile on their face.
“It’s wasteful!” they cry, “To keep the water from the street!”
As the wastewater bubbles ‘round the lobbyists’ feet.
The Mayor points to Water, and Water points to Fed
While a billion-dollar disaster hangs over our head.
The Potomac’s a-waiting for one more collapse,
To turn the West Wing into a giant mud bath!

(Bridge)
Six billion dollars lost in a month,
But hey, look at the bright side:
Congress can’t bicker if they’re swimming in…
Ahem… environmental tragedy.
The National Guard is out on the block
But they can’t fix a pipe with a rifle and a lock.

(Outro)
So raise up your glass! (Wait, don’t drink that yet).
It’s the closest to “transparency” we’re ever gonna get.
Just a slow, steady drip in the dark of the night…
Does anybody have a wrench?
No?
Goodnight, D.C.!