The most oddly unsettling time in my life

Last year, I bemoaned what I knew would be a chapter coming closed in my life at age 40. It was oddly apparent that the free-wheeling, spending 60-plus nights a year in the wilderness was not going to go on forever. My big jacked up truck was 12 years old, while still going strong and running well, I knew things could  not go on forever this way. It is showing it’s age, as were many things in my life. More and more things are breaking in my apartment and wearing out, the rot in the door has gotten worse. The rent is going up again as my building was sold to a cigar-smoking, mustang driving kid. I saw other signs of change too – my face growing grayer and my body going thinner as I got into eating healthy and biking.

Things are so good these days, the future is looking bright, but I’m mirrored in troubles in my life. I know I am going to have to give up a lot of what was me in my 20s and 30s to become a homeowner, the nights in the wilderness and the urban living. I know whatever I decide will be right for me, as I have found my new job to be, but it’s not without the high costs of change. To gain a lot, I’ve also had to give up a lot. Often things and principles that I once loved and held dear. People say you shouldn’t look back in your rear view mirror, but its hard not to glance back at where you came from, even when things in the future are much brighter.