More on confusion 😕

“A million white flowers in a field in the sky
Seemed to spell out a greeting as the children flew by
A guard in a chariot of silver and gold“

Lately I find myself extremely confused. I think a lot of it is the times we all live in, with the Trumpster dominating all but I’m also searching a lot in my mind what I believe and what I want to do with my life. I make a good middle class income but I don’t want to buy more plastic stuff as everybody says I should want. Aren’t you worried all your stuff is worn out and shabby. Don’t you want the latest gadgets. There are so many things and services to buy.

I spend more and more time studying the colors of the wildflowers. I used to be mostly interested in epic landscapes but now things like butterfly weed and bee balm are more fascinating with all the colors. Or watching the patterns in the clouds. Or the calls of the birds in the woods. I don’t understand the rush even while I watch the pages of the calendar fall away so violently. Maybe I’m bored with the distant places that are close via the automobile even while I look over the local.

My contacts are irritating my eyes again as I count down the days until the big snip. People are like don’t you think it’s expensive to get LASIK but compared to many things you could spend money on in your life this will mean a lifetime of good vision without contacts. Even if eventually I need cheaters for reading the truth is that it’s far less important than seeing the beauty all around. I’m just tired of spending money on things to throw away. Nothing I can spend money would be less fleeting than good vision. Anything mechanical becomes garbage in a few years and much of it is just the yellow flames in a few weeks of purchase.

If I was responsible I would be home cleaning and packing for a trip out to Schoharie. Not studying the clouds and colors at Five Rivers. Honestly I can do that when I get home or maybe I’ll leave in the morning. I hate dealing with rush hours traffic. Even if summer Friday rush hour is never bad. Tomorrow evening would be so beautiful in the wilderness and summer is rapidly fading away, especially when vacation is done in two and half weeks it’s August. Labor Day is so early this year. I sure hope I’m spending Labor Day Weekend in the hammock on Hardwood Hill like so many other Labor Days of recent past. I am thinking though of hiking up Plateau Mountain before heading to Mine Kill and swimming then camp. But I’d miss the fire tomorrow night and a beautiful evening in the woods. Not sure and I hate fighting traffic after work on a Friday but it would be such a nice night in the wilderness.

I keep playing over and over Kaleidoscope’s The Sky Children as I study the clouds. I know summer will be gone and it will be cold before you know it. Even if I can’t save the world I can spend an evening or two studying the clouds and the flicker of the fire. As I try to figure things out while I look at the colors of the wildflowers. Some day I’ll figure the hours while I sit through another hour of confusion while the advertisers hawk their crank treatments for Old Timers disease and drug rehabs because I enjoy laughing by waterfalls. And dreaming about the clouds.

And reading about log cabins and goats and adventures in the wilderness and small towns like the many I will see on my summer vacation. It’s just a dream, not real like all the plastic stuff – the vinyl siding, the asphalt roofs and drywall which is model of quality in the suburbs and of having a good job.