Humanity 📍

Having done a lot of reading lately about self improvement, and observing some of the less than positive things I say about myself, I’ve come to realize that I need to start becoming more confident on who I am and all that I have achieved.

If I wasn’t so good at my job, I’d never have such a good paying job in mid-level management, and I wouldn’t have the beautiful view of the mountains from my office I can look out on every day. I wouldn’t be able to afford my nice truck or all the adventures I do. I’m a director, alas maybe one of the most tender foot ones in one of most successful political organizations in the nation. I should never forget that fact. I make above the median wage for the region and not even that bad for many parts of downstate.

My blog is quite famous on its little corner of the internet, I often run into readers of the blog all over the state. Do I have a handful of nasty critics? I do but so is the internet. Even if 95 percent of people like it, there are that five percent who are jerks. Guaranteed everywhere. It’s remarkable how many people I run into that read the blog. I should look at page view logs but I know it’s pretty significant.

I can say my truck is getting old and falling apart but that happens with all vehicles. It’s paid for and it’s mine. I like how it gets me places and I enjoy camping and traveling. Will it last forever? No. But I actually think that the problems with it are repairable and most of the issues are more cosmetic than serious. I really shouldn’t fret much – it’s a nice big jacked up truck. A lot of people drool over having such a big truck.

Likewise my apartment has issues and I’ve been living here for fifteen years now. Things break and wear out – but it’s a rental and ordinary wear and tear is something I’m sure the landlord will address when I move out at some point in the future. Going to need some serious work and I doubt I’ll get my security deposit back but after all these years, I don’t really care. I always have options to move somewhere else.

Many people who make the kind of money that I do probably would have nicer living arrangements. But I’d rather save the money and invest it then waste it on rent. I like having the bus line to get to work and being able to walk down to the library. My goal isn’t a fancy suburbanite house but a simple homestead, with lots of land and no neighbors nearby off-grid. Sure, rent doesn’t get you anything past this month but neither does grocery shopping or buying toilet paper – a necessity but I’m also using the savings to invest.

There are a lot of people actually struggling to make ends meet in our country, legitimately hungry or living paycheck to paycheck. I’m not despite pretending in my head to be struggling. My pantry is bare at times and my meals a mishmash as I either don’t want to spend money so I can meet a savings goal or go to the store. I’m so focused on tomorrow – saving money for my own land and a homestead and for a relatively early retirement so I can live somewhere I’d rather live then my rundown apartment – which honestly isn’t that bad compared to how many people live.

In some ways the simple way I choose to live, my imagined poverty, and my focus on saving and conserving is getting me closer to the world I hope someday, to live in. Savings and investments are growing – I’ve been watching the remarkable growth in recent years. I’ve learned how to live with less, using the bus to get around, no internet or air conditioning, keeping the heat low in the winter.

Now I wish there was a lot of skills that I had – a better fishermen and hunter – and that I had more dirt under my finger nails when it comes to farming and owning my own land. But practice makes perfect. It’s not because I can’t gain such skills but it’s because I’ve never seriously tried to hone them. That said, I have many map making skills – and knowledge of computers and programming that many wish they had as well as I do. But at the same time I wish I knew a lot more, but I’m still learning.

Honestly, I’ve done a lot of good in my life and had a lot of successes. A lot of people look up to me, and I should look up to myself more often. I shouldn’t see the rust on my truck, the mold in my apartment and gray hair on my head, but instead recognize my unique talents and successes in my life. And realize that I am successful, that I do good work, I’ve achieved many life goals and successes and there is much more to achieve in my life.