Good evening! First day of summer vacation is underway. ⛺

I made it so far to my first day of vacation, one day at a time. My anxiety is so high but so far I’m doing okay. 👌🏻 Life these days has been such a struggle. I almost gave up my vacation as I just so damn anxious and depressed. Every day has become a struggle, I’m holding it together for now, but cracks are showing.

Regardless, it’s a pretty nice evening. Clear and 67 degrees at the Cherry Ridge Camping Area. There is a northwest breeze at 5 mph. 🍃. The dew point is 57 degrees.

I am kind of glad to have gotten away, out of town. I think tomorrow I will continue out to the Finger Lakes. 🏞 I am much too worried about all that noise that the cupped front tire on my truck is making, I should have gotten it rotated the last oil change but it is just wearing out as are all the tires. I know it will be fine through vacation but all of the tires are getting loud. Lately though I haven’t had many oil consumption issues but I’ve only drivena little over a thousand miles since the last oil change.

Doubt the noise is a wheel bearing, and the other wear components like the tie rods and lower ball joints are replaced – it’s from the legacy toe in before the alignment last year and probably because the struts are bad. Plus the positive offset tires put extra weight on the inside. I plan to get the struts replaced in September followed by the tires. ⚫ Before the West Virginia trip. Not cheap but cheaper than a new truck.

I brought the kayak 🛶 with me. At first I planned to leave it home and started out with out it but returned home to grab it. I wasn’t sure if I was going to use it much and it’s kind of a pain to lift up and off my truck. 🔒 But I decided it will be fine, it rides good on the truck and when I get to the National Forest I I’ll take it off and lock it up. Paddling Seneca Lake is nice if it’s not too choppy. 🌊 Or the canal is fun too. Won’t drive around with it all week though as it’s kind of annoying. My fear of getting in a crash with the kayak on the roof or breaking down and needing a tow is just my anxiety talking, things will be fine as always.

The whole Pine Bush situation with the senior housing is a cluster fuck. 🗣️ I’ve advised people for years about how to stay on message, but I found myself straying from the message I intended to deliver myself. I should have never linked 🔗 affordable housing and crime, but it was in my mind after learning that one of my friends houses 🏘 was robbed and I was so frustrated 😤 about the Costco development in the Pine Bush. And I was reading a book about racism that linked poverty rather race, I got that idea in my head. Statistically, I ran the numbers for Albany 🔢 and I was right. Terrible messaging for me or Save the Pine Bush. Fortunately, I know the key to crisis communication is to listen to others, stand back, and apologize. Don’t fight it or belabor your point, just accept what is. News 📰 gets old fast. Maybe it’s good for me to be on the other side of the coin.

My anxiety is rather of nasty, the more you think about it the worse it gets. 👨🏻‍⚕️I need to get back to counseling come September but it was a drag having to constantly take time off from work. And while I learned some coping skills I found the sessions to be quiet painful as I told the truth about the depths of my mental illness. I will be fine, as I know it’s all in my head, 🤕 and the only one I’m harming is myself. I am trying to learn how to address it myself but I do see benefits to professional help, especially if I can find a counselor who is willing to listen 👂🏻 to me and understand my values.