A day lost in the haze

I did not sleep well last night. More dreams about the west and knowing it will be another weekend stuck at home as the rain and snow comes roaring in tomorrow. And even next weekend looks like crap, and who knows if I’ll have Good Friday off as the budget seems to be stuck. Not that I don’t have to be back mid-day to go to Mom and Dad’s 50th anniversary party.

Truth is I dosed off riding in, my mind a-drift as I was listening to the audiobook about soil health and I hit the curb and flung myself into a rock rip-rap. Banged up my right need and slammed my helmet into the rock but I did not rip my jeans and I’m just a bit sore. Totally my fault, I wasn’t paying attention to the trail, I was drifting off-to-sleep. I got so little sleep last night. Work was fine, it was a very quiet day in the office as nothing really is happening, I did some data cleaning and approved a few things, but nothing major.

Maybe I’m just bothered by the news. Not that any of it really effects my own life, but I don’t like the direction our country is going. I spend too much time on NY Times, CNN, NPR and Twitter tracking the news. The economic news is so worrying, even though it will work out in long term, but I don’t like the idea of both bond rates going up while stocks fall. How much more am I going to end up paying at the gorcery store? And maybe its all those cabin videos I watch and the crap properties I keep seeing coming up in Zillow. I do need a home, but I don’t want something that so large and so close to other people. Mainly I want land and something that keeps me dry in summer and warm in winter that is fairly durable and doesn’t require tons of energy to heat and light – preferably generated on site.

Truth is the one thing I need is a night in a wilderness. It’s terrible how much time I read books and watch videos about building a cabin in wilderness, in the vast spaces out west and in Alaska. I know such places exist, I’ve been to Pennsylvania and West Virginia, the world does not end at the borders of New York. Yet, I feel so trapped by making money and fear of the unknown. It’s fine, soon I’ll be back out in wilderness, having fires and looking up at stars from hammock, but it’s just been a tough spring.