That’s the question on my mind so much lately as I find myself stuck in indecisiveness as options fade away. Am I too afraid of risk and the unknown? To take the leap into the canyon without truly knowing what is down there. More risk, more reward and loss. Am I too comfortable where I currently am?

The truth is I like travel and the freedom to do my things. To be tied to a piece of land, a house, a homestead with livestock to feed almost feels like slavery. But I also hate the plastic land of suburbia, the big screen televisions and the marble kitchen counter tops. I like the mud and smells of wood smoke and manure. And burning things. Not the stylish crap soon to be discarded that surrounds the professional class.

I have made it. I have won it. Things are better now. Even if everything keeps breaking and is rundown and bad. I’m a director, I make six figures. I love my job. I do good work. I’m a lot better off then a lot of people but it sure don’t feel that way Maybe it’s the sun on the beach distorting my thinking. I should just enjoy life at the beach now on this hot summer day and stop thinking about that rundown homestead and cabin next to my parents house that I know probably will never be mine at any rate.