Fortunately most of the bombs have been in my head, and the paranoia isn’t from the grass, it’s because things are so ducked up in this world. Of course, it’s my fault entirely because I’m trying to ram too many square pegs in round holes, buggering the heck of things, volunteering for more work left and right, coming up with better ideas that more work to implement.

I knew things were going to be shitty when I got my bike 🚲 back from the shop and I was grinding gears ⚙ as soon as I got on the road. They put a new chain 🔗 on for $57 when you throw in taxes. And they held my bike for a week. I should have just ordered a new chain breaker on the internet and done it myself. I got to order and pick up a new gear ⚙ cassette and I’m ducking mad about it but my mountain bike 🚲 it’s a common and relatively inexpensive $20-30 part which with inflation isn’t that expensive. Fortunately I bought a cassette puller when I was messing around with my old bike learned the technique before pulling the cassette this evening. I’ll pick up a replacement on Friday or Saturday and swap it on.

Truth is that I’ve been on the edge all week, 🖥 working really long hours, perfecting complicated scripts moving data through the pipelines worth tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars. 💵 Got to get it right and there is no time ⏳ as election day is coming, all while working to maintain my state job – which has slowed with the communication moratorium – but recently picked up as new projects came in and just ordinary business. Start working each day before eight am and then work until 9 pm or so each night, my only respite is on the bus 🚍 and shuttle 🚀 and even then I’m answering emails. 📧 Did I mention I’m also supervising several half million dollar political campaigns? Fortunately the coordinators are good at running them and I don’t stick my nose 👃 into ordinary operations and I’m too busy to really care about the day to day unless there is an issue that gets raised to my level.

And that call from my buddy from scouts all those years back really got my head spinning. 🌪️ Not only did we chat about smoking and farming grass, which even us straights do, but how screwed up Upstate New York State is to live in when virtually all public policy is set by the 70% of New Yorkers who live in the New York City Metropolitan Area. He’s a big time bow hunter 🏹getting his pistol permit and reminding me how screwed up state gun laws are, giving all the cards to the cops 👮 to prosecute gun owners for crazy arbitrary shit, even putting them away for decades for stupid shit. Laws ⚖ never used unless you happen to be colored or victim of political persecution of course. Kind of like the abortion laws in red states, 🤱 not that I condone New York’s celebration of the murder of babies. 👶 Sometimes abortion may be the best option but it’s still not something that should be celebrated as a right. I really don’t want to buy a house or build a cabin in New York if I can all avoid it but I fear 😱 I’m facing homelessness otherwise. Who is going to rent to me at a reasonable rate, especially after I’ve been so rough to my slumlord’s building which I’ve paid dutifully to but rarely requested repairs even when I should have. The new landlord is going to gut my unit to the studs as soon as he convinces me to move out, so I know it doesn’t matter. I so want to build that wilderness cabin to call my permanent home 🌲 in a state with good gun laws, no burn ban, legal pot, lots of public lands to play in. Like a Missouri but what the hell to do about work.

I broke down and called mom to discuss my predicament 🤣 and she and I chatted for almost an hour. ⏳ I know the hour is late in her life ♥ and she has to go to the heart doctor today and they’ll probably haul her off to the cardiac unit again after all the stress I put her under. But I needed to hear her voice, my mom’s voice last night before it’s gone for good. I just feel so stuck and tired, even though I’m the director and I make good money 💵 while living in such a dump. And literally working in an office overlooking the city dump. 🔨 Landlord was hammering away at the unit next door again late into the night. 🚪 And the door is falling off my apartment again.

I shouldn’t complain, it’s Cardona’s for lunch in the office downtown 🏢 but with my broken bike 🚍 I’ll be late to lunch as I’m taking the shuttle 🚀 there and the schedule doesn’t quite match when the food is delivered. 🍲 I’m sure it will be good and I look forward to seeing my old colleagues. But more work late into the night 🌃. The requests come in, the work orders are processed, the data goes out. It’s getting easier though as the scripts are written and the pipelines are built. Mostly it’s smaller and smaller tweaks for unique odd things in the data and doing quality assurance on the processed data. And helping people understand how to use the programs and understand the data outputs. 🖥 I wish I had done more study of computers in college 🎓 – I could be making a lot more money at this point but my knowledge in using R Studio at this point is really helpful in my business. Things will get better after Election Day I tell myself.