I am so anxious about vacation 🏖

And not in a good way. My anxiety levels are just so high, what if something goes terribly wrong – my truck breaks down, I injure myself with an axe, I get into a car crash. I tell myself I should have rotated the tires, gotten my oil changed, had the struts replaced or alignment adjusted again. So many things to worry about even those aren’t immediate threats, I’m going to need to replace the tires come the autumn and I haven’t driven that many miles since the last oil change or tire rotation. Trucks getting old but I sure like my ol gal even if she’s not a daily driver.

When I think rationally I don’t have much to worry about. I have good health insurance, I am a careful driver, mostly law abiding, have a good job and lots of liquid or fairly liquid assets. I new tie rods and ball joints so it’s unlikely a wheel is going to fall off going down the road, striking a guard rail and plunge into a gorge. I do regular maintenance on my truck and while the tires have gotten loud that’s because they are getting worn and are cupped and will probably be in the landfill by the end of the year. We live in a throw away society, capitalism and a lot of people’s jobs depend on you throwing a lot away.

I will be fine. I know the anxiety is all in my head and the more I think about it the more it will worse. I have a rational plan, I’ve done the cost benefit analysis and I’m ready to move forward. I like my big jacked up truck and while it’s rough on the suspension combined with the rough roads I’ve traveled, I do get out and enjoy a lot of wild country and have spent a lot of good nights in the wilderness. I feel fairly confident vacation will go well, if not I have AAA and can rent a car. And get a few good laughs looking back at it all.

The racing heart beat, the high blood pressure, the sleepless nights, they getting worked up about stupid things really isn’t the biggest risk though with anxiety – it’s the fear of not trying new things due to the risk. But it’s the novelty and the new places explored that makes a trip special and memorable. Doing the same thing over and over again might be safe but it’s dull and unmemorable. I need to hike and explore new places – the two best things I did on vacation last year was the Kueka Trail and Cayuta Valley Trail – just because they were new to me. Not exploring is not a very fulfilling life for sure.

Honestly, I know this will be a good vacation. While I didn’t see clams at the store tonight I’m hopeful they’ll have them at Watkins Glen at one of the stores. Rednecks like beer boiled clams I’m sure. I got propane so I’ll have a full tank and have no worries of running out. Tomorrow night I’ll pack my clothes and gear, and I’m working from home on Friday so I can run to the laundromat to have plenty of clothes for the week. And working from home if I think of anything I forgot to pack I can grab it. That said, I no longer have internet access at home, so I will need to go to the library for anything I can’t do using my phone.

Vacation is about getting away from it all, days at the swimming pool, late nights by the campfire, drinking cold beer and hopefully eating clams while I lay back in the hammock with a good book. Watching the amazing Finger Lakes sunsets, listening to the cows moo and the sound of the ripping grass as the cattle turn grass into food. Late nights, laying in the grass watching the shooting stars at two in the morning. Exploring new trails, kayaking Seneca Lake if it’s calm enough. Good ice cream sundaes at the Watkins Glen Dairy Bar, breakfasts cooked on charcoal. Turning off the social media and advertising in favor of getting away from it all and the problems in my life.