Ethical Wills 📃

At times I think about my parents getting older.

Mom keeps mentioning she hopes to see the end of the Trump presidency, which in my mind isn’t far off, but also I’m well aware that its a sign that Mom probably doesn’t have a lot of years left. Indeed, I know that’s true, and time lasts forever until it doesn’t. It was only a few years back now, that Mom’s heart gave out, and while she eventually recovered, for many months, it was unclear that would happen. Dad similarly was out for a while after his heart had to be worked on.

One suggestion people have is the creation of an ethical will, which is non-legal document used to pass down spiritual values, life lessons, and love to future generations. Unlike a traditional will that distributes material wealth, this document shares your parent’s emotional and philosophical legacy.

Core Components to Include

Life Lessons: Share the most important truths, values, and principles learned over a lifetime.
Family History: Record meaningful ancestral stories, cultural traditions, or pivotal moments from the past.
Regrets and Forgiveness: Express peace regarding past mistakes, offer forgiveness, or ask for reconciliation.
Hopes for the Future: State specific dreams, blessings, and wishes for children, grandchildren, and future generations.
Expressions of Gratitude: Explicitly thank family members, friends, or caregivers for their love and support.

Conversation Starters for Parents

“What values do you hope our family keeps alive long after you are gone?”
“What is the hardest decision you ever made, and what did it teach you?”
“What are you most proud of in your life that isn’t written on a resume?”
“Are there family stories or traditions you want to make sure we never forget?”

Specific Interview Questions

Childhood and Early Life

“What is your earliest childhood memory, and how old were you?”
“What did a typical Saturday look like for you when you were ten years old?”
“What stories did your own parents or grandparents tell you about where our family comes from?”

Love, Career, and Resilience

“How did you know when you found your passion or career path?”
“What is the best piece of advice a mentor or friend ever gave you?”
“When things got really difficult in your 20s or 30s, what kept you moving forward?”

Values and Legacy

“What are the three most important qualities a person can have?”
“What brings you the most joy and peace on a daily basis right now?”
“If you could pass down just one core lesson to future generations of our family, what would it be?”

How to Transition Casually

Use a Prop: Bring out an old family photo album, a childhood toy, or a family heirloom. Say: “I was looking at this the other day and realized I don’t know the full story behind it. Can you tell me about it?”
Blame a Project: Mention a desire to document family history for the future. Say: “I realize there is so much about our family tree and your early life that I don’t know. I want to write some of it down so we have it.”
Ask for Advice: Tap into their experience when you face a choice. Say: “I’m navigating a tough decision right now. How did you handle big life changes when you were my age?”

Formats for Creation

Written Letter: A traditional, handwritten, or typed document kept with estate papers.
Audio or Video: A recorded interview or monologue, which captures their voice, expressions, and personality.
Scrapbook or Photo Album: A visual collection of memories paired with written captions explaining the deeper meaning.

It’s an interesting concept. Years ago, with my grandfather in his later years, we did a video tape discussing his experiences in World War II and his life experiences more generally. Unfortunately, I do not know what happened with the tape, though I suspect somewhere it it is stashed away with many video tapes in Mom and Dad’s house.