Growing Older — Andy Arthur.org

Ethical Wills 📃

Andy | May 19, 2026

At times I think about my parents getting older.

Mom keeps mentioning she hopes to see the end of the Trump presidency, which in my mind isn’t far off, but also I’m well aware that its a sign that Mom probably doesn’t have a lot of years left. Indeed, I know that’s true, and time lasts forever until it doesn’t. It was only a few years back now, that Mom’s heart gave out, and while she eventually recovered, for many months, it was unclear that would happen. Dad similarly was out for a while after his heart had to be worked on.

One suggestion people have is the creation of an ethical will, which is non-legal document used to pass down spiritual values, life lessons, and love to future generations. Unlike a traditional will that distributes material wealth, this document shares your parent’s emotional and philosophical legacy.

Core Components to Include

Life Lessons: Share the most important truths, values, and principles learned over a lifetime.
Family History: Record meaningful ancestral stories, cultural traditions, or pivotal moments from the past.
Regrets and Forgiveness: Express peace regarding past mistakes, offer forgiveness, or ask for reconciliation.
Hopes for the Future: State specific dreams, blessings, and wishes for children, grandchildren, and future generations.
Expressions of Gratitude: Explicitly thank family members, friends, or caregivers for their love and support.

Conversation Starters for Parents

“What values do you hope our family keeps alive long after you are gone?”
“What is the hardest decision you ever made, and what did it teach you?”
“What are you most proud of in your life that isn’t written on a resume?”
“Are there family stories or traditions you want to make sure we never forget?”

Specific Interview Questions

Childhood and Early Life

“What is your earliest childhood memory, and how old were you?”
“What did a typical Saturday look like for you when you were ten years old?”
“What stories did your own parents or grandparents tell you about where our family comes from?”

Love, Career, and Resilience

“How did you know when you found your passion or career path?”
“What is the best piece of advice a mentor or friend ever gave you?”
“When things got really difficult in your 20s or 30s, what kept you moving forward?”

Values and Legacy

“What are the three most important qualities a person can have?”
“What brings you the most joy and peace on a daily basis right now?”
“If you could pass down just one core lesson to future generations of our family, what would it be?”

How to Transition Casually

Use a Prop: Bring out an old family photo album, a childhood toy, or a family heirloom. Say: “I was looking at this the other day and realized I don’t know the full story behind it. Can you tell me about it?”
Blame a Project: Mention a desire to document family history for the future. Say: “I realize there is so much about our family tree and your early life that I don’t know. I want to write some of it down so we have it.”
Ask for Advice: Tap into their experience when you face a choice. Say: “I’m navigating a tough decision right now. How did you handle big life changes when you were my age?”

Formats for Creation

Written Letter: A traditional, handwritten, or typed document kept with estate papers.
Audio or Video: A recorded interview or monologue, which captures their voice, expressions, and personality.
Scrapbook or Photo Album: A visual collection of memories paired with written captions explaining the deeper meaning.

It’s an interesting concept. Years ago, with my grandfather in his later years, we did a video tape discussing his experiences in World War II and his life experiences more generally. Unfortunately, I do not know what happened with the tape, though I suspect somewhere it it is stashed away with many video tapes in Mom and Dad’s house.

Thematic Map: Percentage of Municipality Forested

Lately I have had such a case of wanting to keep up with the Jones

Andy | February 2, 2026

It just seems like all my friends are buying home and homesteads, getting land, moving out to country and raising stock and families. Then I follow all these off-grid and homesteading groups on Facebook, and my feed is constantly filled with pictures of cattle and hogs, vast open spaces out west, Alaska, the true west and mid-west.

At one level, I feel like I am getting older and not making much progress. It seems like I’m still in my miserable little apartment, which is so cold and dirty, worn out and broken, but I like the location. I like the library and park, and choosing to go without wired internet. I am dropped the hotspot plan when I went back to working downtown.

But at the same time, I totaled up this evening the money I’m investing and saving on a weekly basis, and while it looks relatively small on any one account, it does add up when you add up the various accounts, especially over time. But it’s not where I need to be today, although I probably could put down a pretty good down payment or even buy a modest house, but that would require me to sell of many of my investments and deplete a lot of my savings.

I just don’t want to live the suburbanite life, with the big screen televisions, the status symbols of the SUV or hybrid car, the chemically-fertilized lawn, the neighbors right next store. And the plastic! I’d rather die then live in a house with vinyl siding and two car garage. My heart is not in suburbia, it’s in the open country, some of the wild places I’ve explored and even more so the places I’ve read about and seen on the Youtube. The small towns that smell like silage and cow shit, the farm country, the ranches and vast mountains out west. Or even the small-towns like you might find in many parts of New York in a more subdued fashion. Upstate New York is fine, but it’s expensive and it’s a land of red tape and waste.

Some of my friends and colleagues took the small leap, buying land out in country, and still commuting back to Albany-area for work. It’s a lot of driving, and much of the rural land around here, while rural is far more urbanized and regulated then what you might find in the wilds of West Virginia, Missouri or Idaho. Land prices are pretty high, especially for acreage, and there are still a lot of codes to be followed. Yes, I’ve been to places like the Southern Tier and the Black River Valley, or far reaches of North Country, but even the most remote and wild small town in New York isn’t like so much of world I’ve been learning and reading about.

I really hate to sign my new lease and the commitment it brings at the higher price for the next year, but I can’t make the numbers work to move. I’d love to own land, but it’s expensive locally, and I don’t really have enough money to buy what I want or would need outright. I sure like having the bus I can take to work downtown, the library, park, and wildlife observation grounds a short walk from home. And honestly, I don’t really want to spend my whole life in Upstate New York, when I’ve seen there are other places in the world and other places. But I feel like re-upping my lease is just kicking the can down the road — sure I have fun traveling now — but I also feel like I’m making little progress compared to what my friends and colleagues are.

The best way to live a long life is to live to be an old age.

Andy | December 31, 2025

The average 18 year old will live to age 80.
The average 65 year old will live to age 85.
The average 76 year old will live to age 88.
The average 90 year old will live to age 94.
The average 100 year old will live to age 102.

Two things cause this happen:

Every year, there is a possibility of death. If you survive that year to be age xx, then you did not die.

Second, people who don't die in a particular year are less likely to engage in risky behavior that can cause death.

Percantage of Population with a Disability

Andy | November 30, 2025

SVGZ Graphic: State Workers in New York State

“If you can’t save your country, you can at least save yourself. “

Andy | November 30, 2025

One of the worse truths about life that finally clicked around the time I was forty.

It was a part of my discussions with my psychotherapist, listening to the Mother Country Radicals podcast, watching what happened on January 6th, the state ethics rules around my employment and getting bit in the press for expressing my thoughts about a public housing development proposed in the Pine Bush.

It bothers me a lot to look around and see the whole world around me to go shit, while I know my hands are largely tied. But I realize there are so many problems much bigger then myself that I have so little control over. I can refrain from engaging in certain activities, especially in my personal-time, that I find morally repugnant like consumerism, but there is so much I can’t change.

Acceptance of the way things are in the world, is one of the toughest things to do. Some people do go out of their way to change things, some go as far as to give up their careers, their future, and even their lives. Many have died for their country. But I care too much about my life, and I know the amount of change I can make to the world is far smaller then the change I can make to my own life.

I’ve chosen to live simply and frugally. I pass up on a lot of things others embrace. I try to live my own values, without imposing them on others. I don’t read the newspapers, I don’t own television or following every breaking news story. I have become less political, less upset about things outside of my own control. I have saved and invested, and are working to build a secure future for myself, regardless of what may happen to the world around me.

Maybe it’s immoral to not fight injustice in this world or try to make things better for us all. But I just don’t have the desire at this point. I have too much to loose, and not enough to win. I am happy to stand on the sidelines, observe, and think for myself but I do not want to involve myself in all of the world’s problems today.