Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety in my life
I should be quite happy as on many levels I’ve been quite successful, making good money, having my big jacked up truck. But I’m not. Some of it was big promotion last year but a lot of it was just dealing with so much time alone in the pandemic and being stuck home all the time in my rundown apartment with the windows closed. I decided to reach out and take advantage of my health care benefits and seek the services of a licensed mental health counselor. $25 bucks a session but it’s giving me some ideas on how to be more successful in my own life, deal with some of my anxieties and fears. For one, it’s been a gut check – a reminder that I have it a lot better than many others and despite some minor setbacks and problems in my life, I’m not crazy and my relatively minor problems aren’t likely to be life threatening or even life altering. I probably could go on the way I’ve been going for years but I’d probably be better off if I added some changes to my life.
For one I’ve learned it’s not good to put off your problems to tomorrow. Now not every thing should be addressed today but I should prioritize things that are most cost effective to do today, that are at moderate to high risk of failure. There is nothing wrong with doing a cost benefit analysis, making sure not to over emphasize high risk but very low probability scenarios. I shouldn’t dwell on the worse case scenarios that are low probability, especially because with edge case scenarios you are probably focusing on the wrong risks as other edge case risks are more likely to trip you up. I’ve also learned that mental health isn’t free. Not just because counseling cost money but because it’s sometimes worthwhile to get something fixed because the noise or look of something annoys you or gives you anxiety. Not because it’s an immediate threat but because something feeds your negative emotions. That doesn’t mean fix everything that is broken – it’s fine to ignore low risk but costly to fix problems – but if it’s causing you anxiety and it’s not to expensive to fix than definitely take action.
I am told my pyromania is largely harmless as long as I’m not smoking out my neighbors or burning a lot of noxious stuff that is likely to get the fire department called. Some people never grow out of being fire bugs, and despite what the greenies might want you to believe, tossing the occasional plastic bottle or burnable trash in the fire isn’t the end of the world. In many parts of the country, out in the country its completely normal for rural households to burn most their kitchen and farm trash in a barrel out back. Ask folks in rural Maryland or Pennsylvania, it’s not just hard red states where folks can manage their own garbage. Radical acceptance of being pyro isn’t giving in or a sign of weakness. Sometimes it’s best to accept the facts as they are and let it be. Solutions don’t always exist for every problem, and when they do they may not be cost effective. Some things may not be worthwhile to address if they are doing minimal harm in one’s life. Even habits and odd behaviors that are non threatening and of minimal consequence do not have to be suppressed. And sometimes there is nothing wrong with distraction and getting out of a bad thought pattern. When you catch yourself going down hill, captured on cycles of negativity or obsession, it doesn’t hurt to sometimes find a healthy distraction. Move on don’t dwell on a distant threat. It doesn’t mean ignore a threat but lay it aside. Don’t let your worst fears bring you down as I’ve had so many successes so far in life and there are many successes in the future.
My therapist reminds me that the best way to get good at something is to do it a lot. Not obsessively but with practice. And while YouTube videos, social media and books are a good way to get book smart the best way to learn is hands on. If you want to be like people you idolize or a life you want to live, you should try to meet up and do things in person with such people. If I’m interested in homesteading, farming, off-grid living and even tiny houses I should try to meet up at events, tours and other chances to learn hands on. And if that means a little money invested in my future by learning valuable skills than it’s worthwhile.
I’m also told that I should think about settling down. Get out, try to meet a girl friend. I should look at sites like Farmers Only or similar places to find people who are interested in the rural lifestyle and come from a small town background like myself. Those who aren’t afraid of pig manure or bonfires, don’t mind being in the woods or the back country with the bugs and mosquitoes. Having an extra leg in the stool means both partners have somebody to fall back on and provide mutual aid. I can shovel horse manure, break ice in frozen water troughs or haul garbage to the burning barrel or slop to the pig pen in exchange for help when my truck breaks down or just needing companionship when I’m lonely or need some one to bounce ideas off of. I like my freedom. It’s kind of nice that I can come and go as I please. Do my own things when I want, shoot guns and have fires in the woods where I burn what I want. It’s nice working hard and having money for toys. But it would even nicer if I had the stability of a girl friend and eventually a homestead where we can produce our own food, make our own energy and have fires to burn debris and stay warm in the winter. My therapist is right, I can probably do it on my own but it will end up being a lot more difficult than doing it as a couple that supports each other as a stronger union.
