Tax the Adirondack Black Flies

I have a modest proposition — tax the black flies. I don’t know what rate, or how to collect such a tax — but it could greatly improve the quality of life in the Adirondacks during the spring black fly season. A modest tax on black flies could raise hundreds of millions of dollars..

If your not familiar with the black fly season, or have not been outside during a particularly hellish black fly season, you probably don’t understand the need for taxation on black flies, to control this Adirondack nuisance. Think swarms of little black flies, waiting for you to sit down, or even just stand still.

Forget about that cruel joke known as bug spray with DEET. That doesn’t do much of anything to control the black fly population. Moreover, the primary purpose of DEET is to make you sick from the smell of it. Citronella candles, DEET wipe pads — you might as not waste your money, as I think they mostly attract the black flies.

There are only four ways really to escape the clouds of Adirondack black flies:

  • Keep moving. Black flies need you stay still to bite you.
  • Hide out under the screens of your tent or truck cap.
  • Wait until it’s dark out. Black flies disappear within minutes of darkness.
  • Wait until late June. Then the black are all dead.

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