A month or so ago ago, I called my elderly grandmother up one last time. It was such a meaningless conversion, she repeatedly asked how I managed to grow up without being drafted into the army. I tried to explain that it’s now an all-volunteer army, and that people don’t get drafted anymore. Then it was just a short conversation about my trip to the Finger Lakes, and probably the weather.

I have to admit I haven’t called her as much lately – maybe every two or three weeks. Not weekly, like I had when I was younger. Mostly it’s been I’ve been busy with work, and been on the road most weekends camping. After work, I’m usually tired, and it’s tough trying to correspond my schedule here on the east coast, with her schedule on Mountain Time. But her death seemed to occur so quickly and I never really got to chat with about so many things that one probably should do before everyone’s death.

She always was a nice person. I last saw her five years ago, and while a different generation and background then I was, coming from suburbs, but I always had some kind of connection. I enjoyed my many chats with her, but she was distant, all the way away in Arizona. I really didn’t know how to react to her death, except maybe to offer sympathies to my mom who had just lost her own.

Death of a family member is always a strange experience, especially one where there is a lot of distance between you and the family member. I really dislike the pity-party you get from folks, who always want to offer their sympathies as a matter of respect. I actually avoided mentioning it on social media and even to my boss, until the last possible minute. I really didn’t want to get the sympathies from everyone, although at some point, I felt I should put something on the record, and I had to ask for time to see her ashes buried at the Long Island National Cemetery.

Her time had come. It was good to celebrate her memory and reflect upon her, seeing her ashes in urn as she was buried at Long Island National Cemetery, next to her husband, a war veteran. But it felt strange too, as she was a family member, but not one I had been that close to in recent years, except for our occasional phone chats about silly things like the weather or my latest trip up to the wilderness.